Blog

By Jerry Ford and Katie Feterl (but mostly Jerry)

A new SFA Networking Group is assisting researchers from CFANS and the U of M School of Music on developing sustainable practices for the cultivation and marketing of non-GMO traditional kazoos.

This effort began when an undergraduate intern was studying the effects on climate change from nesting trumpeter swan farts – commonly called “swan swamp gas.” These birds feed on calamagrostis (reed grasses), and the researcher noticed that the stalks on giant reeds were not only hollow, but had a perforation, known as a labium, a little below the ligule. The ligule is the sheath at the base of the leaf, and consists of a thin membrane. When wind enters the labium, it acts as a fipple mechanism that sets up a sympathetic vibration in the ligule membrane, and under the right conditions can produce musical pitches.

Not only does this miracle of nature mask the sound of trumpeter swan farts, but it sparked a musical revolution when immigrants from the Kainuu region of Finland found that they could harvest the labium/ligule section of the reed stalk, and after a few weeks of curing it in a dry sauna, do a bit of whittling, and have a serviceable melodic musical instrument. As the popularity of the instrument, which was at first call a Kainuuza, grew, enterprising Swedes from neighboring towns found they could fashion the Kainuuza, which in their dialect was call a Kanzuu, out of tin cans and old socks without all that mucking about in a reed marsh while smelling swan gas. Now traditional music fans and stubborn Finns have brought about a resurgence of interest in the original Kainuuza, which was translated from the Swedish into English as “kazoo” and the name stuck.

Since most of these people are also foodies, environmentalists, and members of SFA, demand grew for non-GMO, and even certified organic, kazoos. In order to support the cacophonous demand for these premium, value-added products, SFA members have formed the the Kazoo Action Networking Group. Working alongside University researchers, there are whispers that their developments could become “the next Kernza®.”

The SFA Board of Directors is discussing the possibility of changing the organization’s mission to reflect a new direction: Making barely tolerable music, one kazoo at a time.

For those wondering, research on the impact of swamp swan farts has been paused due to cuts in grant funding, though they did get as far as discovering that the flatulence of the Cygnus buccinator sounds remarkably like a kazoo.

You can see a video of the Kazoo Action Networking Group’s (KANG) first meeting here.

(Happy April Fool’s Day.)